The 11-day plan to lose 14 pounds

The absolute worst weight loss plan ever!

Day 1: Get tonsils out at age 35.  Sleep most of the day.  Remain in hospital

Day 2: Pain, no food.  LOTS more sleeping

Day 3: Better drugs, less pain, no food.  Return home from hospital.  Feast on liquid yogurt (4 oz) and about the same amount of apple juice.  A nice 7 hour nap in the afternoon for refreshment is advised.

Day 4: No food.  Lots of water.  A little bit of juice.  LOTS of drugs.  Try to limit napping to under 6 hours.

Day 5: Some ice cream.  Did I mention LOTS OF WATER and pain killers?  Napping + sleep should take 18 hours out of an otherwise busy day.

Day 6: Oatmeal (1 packet) for breakfast.  Mac-n-cheese (1 packet Easy mac) for lunch.  1 shake for dinner.  Light 3 hour nap.

Day 7: No food.  Too sore from overdoing it the previous day.  Lots of water and pain killers instead.  Don’t bother getting out of bed.

Day 8: I feel fantastic.  I think I’ll feast on….painkillers.  And some apple juice.  Add a 5 1/2 hour nap and we’re good to go.

Day 9: Hmm…I think I’ll start the day with a nap on the couch.  Then a shake in the afternoon followed by a nap on another couch.  This will be followed by a nap in the easy chair by the fireplace.

Day 10: Doctor checkup!  Doctor looks at your throat and says “Wow, I’m glad that’s not me.  But it looks normal.  Have you tried napping?”.  Return home.  Painkillers for lunch, 6 hour nap to follow.

Day 11. 1 scrambled egg for breakfast after weighing myself.  You gotta eat after all.  I’m getting a bit tired….perhaps a short nap is in order.