Twas the night before Christmas…

I present this piece of weirdness:

‘Twas the night before Christmas,

And I – mop in hand –

Had just started in

Cleaning porcelain tile-land

 

The kitchen, the hall, the mud room too

Also the foyer, there was much to do.

I swept then I mopped, and did it up quick –

So it would dry long before St. Nick

 

When out in the entrance I heard yell and a thud

I dropped all my stuff and thought “aw….CRUD”

And there on the floor lying perfectly still

Was that jolly old elf, a total fresh kill

 

The tracks told the story and told it quite well

First the chimney, then the tile, then a long slip and he fell.

 

I stood a long moment, trying to be shrewd.

Was this illegal? Was there a treaty? Was I really screwed?

 

And then the answer came in a flash – and I ran

to the basement, to find the Halloween stash

 

With my pirate costume on, I bowed and I begged

“Please FSM – please save the day”

 

Out on the lawn I heard a loud BOOM

I sprang to the stoop and looked out from the room

 

“On cavatappi, on spaghetti, al Dente, of course!”

“We have a true pirate to save from the courts!”

 

His noodly appendage struck out, and raised that old elf

Who stood, looked at FSM, and shook off his own self.

 

The two had a moment there alone in the snow -

Two imaginary characters respectfully saying Hello

 

And ever since that day all I get is some coal.